Today we got an unexpected last-minute impromptu appointment for Mary’s hair!
How cool is that? Moments like these are HUGE for attachment, and so critical especially for foster and adopted children. We were so thrilled to make the connection, and Kirk positively lit up as they swapped stories!
I was able to connect with all their families while we waited, and though Anber’s grandparents were both working, everyone else was able to meet us at the library for a surprise visit. We hadn’t seen any of their biological families since getting home from Ohio, and it was past time. They need the visits, and their parents need he visits.
Alex’s biological parents came:
Mary’s mom was high and speaking faster than anything, and I had to redirect a lot of conversation, and it really made the progress of the other parents so much more apparent. We have all worked on our relationships, even beyond safety, and feel so close – as much as you can with such challenging dynamics and difficult circumstances. It was a reminder of how far at the beginning Mary’s mom is still, even just from not participating, besides what choices she is making.
But even then, it was an important moment for them. Mary called her mom out on a bunch of stuff, and her mom actually apologized directly without making excuses. I was impressed. And Mary, without missing a beat, said, “I forgive you,” and hugged up her mom – but also had the boundaries to talk to her about not repeating those mistakes and the importance of trying again “because forgiveness doesn’t make it ok. It just makes it your problem and not mine.”
I have never been so proud of any of my children, as I was of Mary in that moment.
All the children have had hard conversations with their parents, and those are conversations that are theirs and I don’t need to share here.
But watching Mary and her mom today showed me how much progress the other children have made, and their families have made, and I am glad they are doing that healing work now and not just starting when they are 18.
Everyone had such fun!
I am so grateful for these families that love these children – even loving the now adopted siblings that are not their own biological children – and I am so grateful they do the hard work of participating, even at a moment’s notice, because it means the world to these babies.
And it gives such hope for their relationships as they grow up, too.
It’s just love. So much love.
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families,he leads out the prisoners with singing…”
~ Psalm 68:5,6