This toddler may have pulled off another miracle awakening yesterday, but today she woke up with ‘roid rage!

She was so mad!  She screamed “No! No! No!” all morning even when nothing was happening or no one was bothering her – even in her sleep!  She had not forgiven us, and not forgotten her traumas from yesterday, and there was nothing we could do but wait for the steroids to flush out of her little body.  It was almost eleven in the morning before the screaming was intermittent instead of just constant.

By lunchtime, she calmed enough we could read our favorite The Cat in the Hat.


But when we had to invade her again to change her pull-up and do a tube feeding and she realized she wasn’t going to even get to try to eat lunch by mouth, she started screaming again.  It was so very sad!  There was just no way to comfort her.

Nathan took over holding duty, so the rest of us could go to the park once homework was finished.

Then we had a jumping contest.

And chased some ducks:

When we came home, Kyrie was awake from nap but screaming again, so we played outside some more, enjoying the fields and forest and fresh air:

Our excitement was enough to bring Kyrie out to see the commotion!  Even though she wouldn’t let anyone talk to her or touch her, at least she wasn’t screaming.  She played with chalk by herself for a long time:

Then she heard the others playing with the chickens, and she had already declared herself to be the boss of the chickens!  

Finally, a visit to her chickens brought that smile back to her face!

Since she was calm again, she and I had a chat about yesterday.  I apologized that I couldn’t stop them or help her or make it easier.  I told her I was so sorry it was so awful.  I told her the doctor’s really were trying to help, but I also understood that it was terrifying and no fun.

I was so scared, Mama, and you gave me to them, and that made me so mad.

I am really, really sorry.

I forgive you, Mama.

I cried.  Again.

She and I were better after that.

She fussed again at dinner when she could not eat by mouth, but we tried to offer her the same food through her tube.  That helped normalize things a bit for her.  We are all learning.  After dinner, she calmed down again and spent time playing with the other children almost normally – except that when anything happened, she got mad, really mad.  But we only had a shriek here and there instead of screaming, and she settled more easily.  Hopefully, she will feel even better tomorrow.

Mostly, we are relieved to see this smile back, however fleeting.

About Emily

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints since 2009. I serve as a Chaplain, and work as a counselor. I got bilateral cochlear implants in 2010, but will always love sign language. I choose books over television, and organics over processed. Nothing is as close to flying as ballroom dancing - except maybe running, when in the solo mood. I would rather be outside than anywhere else, especially at the river riding my bike or kayaking. PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy, and currently doing a post-doc in Jewish Studies and an MDiv in Pastoral Counseling. The best thing about Emily World is that it's always an adventure, even if (not so) grammatically precise. The only thing better than writing is being married to a writer. Nathan Christensen and I were married in the Oklahoma City temple on 13 October 2012, and have since fostered more than eighty-five children. We have adopted the six who stayed, and are totally and completely and helplessly in love with our family. Nathan writes musical theater, including "Broadcast" (a musical history of the radio) and an adaption of Lois Lowry's "The Giver". He served his mission in South Korea, has taught song-writing in New York City public schools, and worked as a theater critic for a Tucson newspaper. This is not an official Web site of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

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