I dreamed last night that Nathan and I were driving a very fancy car. The children were with us in their usual seats, but it was a sports car and not a van. I don’t know how that works in real life, but it worked in my dream. The top was down and everything, and we were having a lovely drive with the wind blowing through our hair.
Something happened in front of us, and it was going to cause an accident.
I have a lot of car accident nightmares since my mother was killed. Less often now, but it still comes. I am able to intervene, though, and change my dream so it’s less scary. I am grateful for that.
This time, I was able to put everything into slow motion by using the old school VCR remote control, the kind that had a cord connected to the machine itself.
I was able to get our car stopped in time, even though it was super heavy because of so many children.
Except I couldn’t keep Nathan in the car. I slow-motion-ed him start to fly out of the car, and I knew I was going to have the whole mom-got-squashed nightmare again, and so I intervened and threw pillows at him while he moved still in slow motion. I was able to catch his fall, everything except his little face.
His little face slammed into the bumper of the car in front of us.
But I refused to let this be a nightmare.
So when his face crashed into the bumper in front of us, still in slow motion, I added sound effects.
His face on that bumper made the most lovely and dainty little TINGGGG sound, like an old white lady’s chairside bell.
I don’t know where my mind came up with that, but it worked.
As Nathan bounced back into his seat, still in slow motion, I knew we had made it through again, and just hit the “play button” so my dream could finish.
The TINNGGGGG sound echoed as Nathan landed in his seat, and then his not-squashed face turned to me smiling, and said, “See? Perfect pitch!”
I woke up laughing so hard that tears were rolling down my face, and I couldn’t even tell Nathan about it for awhile because I couldn’t breathe well enough to talk. It made me laugh so hard! It was so funny, in a you had to be there kind of way.
But it’s so symbolic of our marriage, too, and that’s part of what made me laugh.
Right now I have exactly twenty-seven minutes to type while the children watch Sesame Street.
We had a lovely morning, with granola and yogurt for breakfast, and then a mean game of dominoes for most of the morning. The children really stayed with it, taking turns, playing by the rules, and each of them (even the preschoolers) playing their own pieces by matching colors and numbers. It’s so fun for them to all be in a new developmental phase where we can play games like dominoes and chess! I love it!
They helped me make chocolate pudding for dessert tonight, and we got in the fridge to chill. We also turned on the beans we soaked all night, and added tomatoes and onions and peppers and carrots and broccoli and garlic, and that made for a yummy lunch with enough leftover for an easy meal when we get home tomorrow night.
Nathan has spent the day working, or trying to as I try to keep the little ones out of his office space. He has been commissioned to write the lyrics (libretto) for an opera, and he and that same composer also got commissioned to write a musical for some kind of Erie Canal celebration. I don’t even have all the details yet, but they are paying him and he is proud and so that is exciting. He’s working so hard! He’s also been writing a lot for the same up-cycled fancy catalogue he used to work for in New York, but just not having to do items he isn’t comfortable writing for as much. He is also still working on his own pieces, plus two other plays in development. I am grateful for the timing, as I have left the residency which also means losing that paycheck. Heavenly Father is so faithful to us in providing, and I am so grateful! I don’t know how long it will take us to financially recover from the two years in hospitals with Kyrie, but we are doing our best.
Physical recovery is something else, too. Goodness. This vacation is good for both, with actual and real rest together this last week as we have spent time in our cabin in the Ozarks. I am so grateful for having access to it, and so thankful for my mother for passing it on to us. We are able to come here and enjoy the activities and amenities without cost other than the gas to get here. It is such a huge, huge gift, and it means even more to me now that I have a family. It is helpful in other scenarios, too, like when we go to Houston to speak this summer – we will have to come up with the travel cost, but we can stay there just outside of town for free and that’s what makes it possible. We are so glad of it!
I have my first licensing meeting with the state the very Monday we get back into town, and I am very nervous about that. But I am as prepared as I can be, and we will see how it goes. It is all happening so fast, and it feels good to have my own project that is an integrated use of me and what I have to offer rather than my different roles so distinct and separate. I like the feeling, and I am excited about it, and have a thousand things more to share about it when the time is appropriate to do so.
We are slowly shifting back into our routine now, with me home with the children during the days and then working in the evenings. We have our homeschool routine down, and Nathan’s work is picking up pace even more these last few weeks, and soon we will be moving back home to our yellow house and start fresh in a new and settled way.
Because being settled is a good thing, and that’s not too much to ask, right?
A girl can dream, anyway.