This was a beautiful thing to come home to tonight:
And I don’t just mean the adorable baby high top sneakers on the bed.
I mean rest.
I mean, laundry is done, the dining room and kitchen finally clean again, and playroom cleaned up.
We even went through too little Barrett and Kyrie clothes again, since they don’t have to hand their clothes down, and I passed on more things as well.
It’s good to declutter sometimes.
And with eight people in a four room house the size of our van (not really), it gets pretty crazy pretty quick.
But tonight, it as nice as we can make it, and I came home to rest.
What a gift!
It means Nathan and I get a late date tonight. It means I can braid the girls’ hair tomorrow. It means we can play with the children.
Rest has been a hard lesson for me to learn, but I am starting to crave it.
Do you want to work an extra overnight shift for extra money?
Do you want to stay three extra hours for overtime?
Do you want this awesome job coming up, and you could keep working two full time jobs when residency is finished?
No, no, no.
It is worth it to me to just stop, and have time in the day to hold Nathan’s hand.
It is worth it to me to just come home, and be awake when my children want to play.
It is worth it to me to see their shiny faces, to be present in the little moments, to enjoy time that seems so overwhelming but passes so quickly.
It’s sometimes hard to say no, because I really love my work.
It’s sometimes hard to say not no, because there are some really good opportunities.
It’s sometimes hard to say no, because we have six children to put through college – and buy milk for.
But it’s right to say no, sometimes.
Sometimes saying no is how you say yes.
It’s saying yes to a husband who then also gets some rest.
It’s saying yes to children with smiles instead of temper tantrums.
It’s saying yes to little ones who were newborns when residency started two years ago, but who can now put on and zip up shoes, and take them off and leave them on my bed like a hug.
I have spent five years learning limitations I never asked for, shifting into a shape I never wanted, and facing hardships I never knew I could endure.
But I learned a lot about rest.
I learned about pacing myself, and about playtime, and about enduring to the end.
I learned that every day matters with the ones you love, and that time isn’t something you get back.
I learned what love means, and that love is always worth it.