I dreamed this morning that Baby Girl was crawling around, happy as anything, getting into everything.
And I was delighted, because it meant she was alive, and healthy, and strong.
I watched her pull herself up on the couch and try to take a couple of steps, tumble and fall, and roll over laughing.
That’s when I saw it: she had a trach already.
I woke up crying tears of relief and joy, and fought to go back to my dream, where my baby could breathe and move and function again.
This morning she is awake, not having paid attention to my daylight savings lecture, but instead of giggling and playing in her crib, she is just laying there, with one arm over her turned head, trying to stretch out her own airway.
She just wants to breathe.
The kids are waking slowly, worn out from yesterday, though I already hear them whispering with excitement to know they get to wear their white clothes to church today.
Poor Mary is waiting her turn still, and I don’t know what kind of a fancy dress will soothe her spirits for not getting to wear her white clothes yet, either.
But I need her white clothes to be that special, because they are, even if it means she is a little left out today while she waits her turn.
Sometimes life is hard like that, when it doesn’t go how you planned.
Yesterday after photos, we marched the kids back into the temple to change back into their Sunday clothes. The white clothes are not only hard to keep nice, but we have two more sealings to go! So it’s been a great effort trying to get them to last!
When they finished and were playing outside again, I gathered them up to thank those who had struggled with baby fits but fixed it, brag on those who had done well the whole morning, and praise all of them for trying so hard.
Then we went across the street to the chapel, to change into play clothes.
Except, for the first time (for us), it was locked.
Then I was stuck, and unsure of what to do.
We could have gone back into the temple and changed into play clothes, theoretically, in effort to fight against legalism and just simply do our best with six little ones who desperately needed some play time.
But the kids I have, at the age they are, with the issues they have, would not have understood the difference, and it would have un-done two years of temple teaching.
I just couldn’t do it.
Another option would have been to go on to the gas station, or the lunch place, and change them there. That’s what we normally would have done, anyway.
But after the morning they had, and the number of people they had already had to endure, and the amount of waiting they had done, and with Nathan going back early with his parents to play violin at someone’s wedding, there was just no way they could endure that kind of stimulation for clothes changing, and I couldn’t manage it by myself after they had already used up all their good juice at the temple.
It just wasn’t an option, not on this day.
I really had no other choice, of which I was aware, with the resources we had in the moment, but to do what most horrified me: let them take turns changing clothes right there in the front seat of the van.
But I got the girls changed under their dresses, which they found hilarious, and then pulled their dresses down out of their shirts, which made them laugh and laugh.
The boys had Sunday shirts on that covered everything long enough to change their pants, and under shirts on that covered them for changing shirts.
It was not ideal.
But it was our best.
They felt better, then, in play clothes, once the terrible deed was done, and were super excited when I surprised them by passing out play shoes.
We found pizza, and then went on to Chuckee Cheese, where we used up the last of the free foster tokens (we don’t eat there, just play there, and won’t get to go for free anymore after Mary’s adoption happens), and decided we were done playing there because the music videos played in between the mouse-sets were really inappropriate! We couldn’t believe it, and even the kids noticed, but the game part was fun. Since it was Halloween, hardly anyone was there, so our kids pretty much had the run of the place, and they gave them double prizes. The kids were thrilled with that!
We went to the science museum afterward, which is part of what we usually do when Nathan and I go and take turns in the temple, and the kids had a blast there.
Well, except for Anber, who ran into walls (hard) seven times, and only once was in the mirror maze.
It’s not a vision problem, just a looking where you are going problem.
We made it home just in time for a late bedtime, with most of the kids already asleep in the car, and all of them going down quickly and easily just because it was dark already.
Thank you, daylight savings.
This morning also brought daylight savings also, however, so the kids are awake an hour early.
We will have a cozy morning, since they are wearing whites. We usually get them dressed first and then make our videos or do our Sabbath activities, but today we will get them dressed last.
Because we invite chaos like that. Sigh.
But not only is it the first Sunday after their sealing, which is when we let them wear their whites, but it is also the first Fast Sunday, which means the boys get their name blessings today. That’s pretty special and white-worthy, too, I am sure of it.
In the meantime, Mary’s white dress hangs in my clothes, and she is longing to have her turn to wear it. It was $175, and I got it marked down to $9 the day after Easter last Spring. Funny enough, but then it also turns out to match the style of the dress we found for the baby, just by coincidence. That’s pretty sweet. Except we knew the baby’s would take awhile, so I got hers in 9-12 month size, and she is already seven months, and so we wonder if it will be two more years or sooner than that. She doesn’t grow though, still in her newborn dresses, so we have more time than just the calendar.
It’s so exciting, all this focus on costumes and it’s their whites we are all excited about.
In other news, I am only taking one pill everyday right now, and have some hair growing back. It is thinner than before, but I am letting it grow to see if it’s enough for just having hair. My doctor says I have more hair than anybody he knows, and it grows faster than anybody he knows. I told him he should have seen my hair three years ago, before any of this started. It’s not much anymore, but maybe I can grow enough to help keep my head warm this winter. It’s so cold!
Here are some pictures from the science museum: