I am a total slacker, just so you know. After yesterday’s adventures, I slept until 11 this morning!
And then, on a wild duck chase of a goose of a prompting, I made Nathan take us to the phone store today. The plan wasn’t to spend money, but to investigate what was going on with our phone bill and fix his broken phone and mine. We do not have a home phone, so only our cells, plus the cell for my mom’s best friend Jo, but our bill has been crazy. No one is abusing it or talking too much or texting too much, but something just wasn’t right. I have been researching plans lately, and wanted to straighten things out a little. For some reason, today was the day.
And it worked! Not only did I cut our phone bill while keeping all the same services, but I was able to add Keyssie to our family plan without it costing us more money (mostly because there is an option where I can easily switch off her data if she forgets her movies are for wireless only!). It was a bizarre experience of feeling like a grown-up wise adult, when really I just know it was a prompting so we had to go take care of it. The timing issue, I think, was because Nathan and I were both eligible for the free phone upgrades, which we needed because two of the buttons don’t even work anymore. I am so glad we got that taken care of, and am relieved it will be saving us money, also.
I really, honestly think the prompting came in response to a prayer about wanting to be a good steward of the funds people have donated to help us. I wanted there to be a good accounting, and was trying to think what else we could do without. I did not get any answer about anything restrictive or punitive, and know we are so blessed, but I did get that prompting to go clean up the phone bill – which I inherited from my mother – and so it feels good for that to be updated and fitting our family a little more specifically so we are not paying for services we no longer need.
People have helped so much. I woke up the other morning, and there was a $100 bill under my water cup beside my bed. We were reading scriptures the other night, and Brother Vivian was suddenly whizzing past the window mowing our lawn. Sister Vivian picked Five up from school today, and took him swimming. The Bayles family brought the fundraiser money over, and with the money we saved on the phone bill, it was all exactly enough. We don’t even need to buy food this week or next, because someone got us the Bountiful Baskets again, and our caseworker brought by garden things and extra groceries, and the Relief Society has kept us stocked in frozen meals.
We have, exactly, sufficient for our needs. Again.
It would make me cry, if I were a sappy girl.
And if I were crying, just hypothetically speaking, it would maybe also be because my visiting teachers and some other ladies came and cleaned my house while we were gone today.
I had to talk to my doctor because one of the caseworkers said we could not be approved for adoption while on chemo, even if any family could get cancer. This would go in her report, she said, if I am still taking treatments.
What that feels like, is a bully.
What that feels like, is giving up treatments to save me so that I can save my children instead.
That’s not okay with me.
What is okay with me is meeting with my doctor about lab work, blood tests, and scans to discuss timing and amounts of treatments. What is okay with me is praying with my husband about all the variety of treatment options we have. What is okay with me is continuing to focus on nutrition and health in ways that our family needs to learn anyway. What is okay with me is being well, so that I am as prepared for the next chemo battle as possible – whether that is next Friday, or in six months, or in five years, or twenty, or never again.
So that’s why I had to talk to the doctor, and how I will get a letter out of him on Monday (pending blood work results), and why I will go back to see him again on Wednesday next week. What counts as cancer, I asked him, if you say you got it all out? What counts as remission, if you got it all out, but I am not cured for five more years?
Cancer is some long-term nasty, that’s what I learned.
It was overwhelming, and exhausting, but I came home to a house so clean it smelled like a tv commercial. I really did cry. Those sweet ladies worked so hard, and I am so sorry. Everything is a mess. The kids are trying hard to pick up the living room and their rooms, and I saw Nathan sweeping under the toddler’s chair at the table this morning. But our bedroom has little piles of things left for me to sort through or put away because they are things I can do, although I can only do a little at a time so it piles up. The kitchen is chaos, though I am trying to do dishes sometimes now. The office room is piled with foster care things left from the last newborn we had, but not put away all the way because surgery happened sooner than we had expected. Laundry is always going, and Nathan is still getting loads in and switched over and out again, and then I put it away as I can, which is better some days than others. The back porch still has egg-toss-contest ponchos scattered all over, because the kids still play with them, but it means it looks a mess and I can’t bend over to pick them up to throw them out.
We are a mess, I think!
But we are alive, and some days that’s all that matters.
I am alive, and that is enough.
Being able to walk across the floor without sticking to it is just a bonus, really.
Thank you Tammy Hansen, Kanna Martiel, Kristi Bray, Rosely Cooper, Emilie Vaclaw, and Sharon Bastings for enduring our mess and cleaning our house today while we were gone! It helped so much, as did the little bag of treats you left. Thank you!
Finally, I would like to point out that this means I was awake all day (well, after sleeping until eleven) for the first time in almost two weeks. That’s some serious kudos for such a slacker!
My big goal tomorrow? Putting away the gluten free spaghetti noodles! If that goes well, then I might even match some socks. It’s time to stop slacking and start healing, I am sure of it.