The challenge this weekend was pain and nausea and fevers again. It doesn’t make for exciting blogs, and really terrible pictures. I slept most all weekend, including mostly from 1130 yesterday to 1030 this morning. Lucky for me, I get to wake to this every afternoon:
Spreading them out on a comfy blanket doesn’t make them taste better, if you wanted to know.
Know what does?
We got to go see this play in Dewey, and I didn’t throw up on anyone!
The book was written by an LDS author, the play was adapted by one of my temple “mothers”, and it was performed by Theater Bartlesville at the Jewish Community Center. All my worlds colliding into one excellent date night, so I couldn’t miss it!
Nathan was so sweet to take care of everything all day as I slept, and brave enough to take me to the play (we forgot my mask), and then let me sleep until church (we forgot my mask again).
I had to leave church early, but at least I got sacrament. I needed to be there, to try, to sing and pray with my children. Maybe I would last longer in church if I didn’t work so hard to get ready for it. I could just slum it, and maybe make it through the whole hour at least. Maybe.
Nathan did wake me up in the afternoon long enough for my temple recommend interview, so that was good and important and healing to me. I also got a blessing, for which I was especially grateful because yesterday and today were such hard days.
Cara Vivian lives around the corner from us, so she picked up Five for me. I was so sad I could not do it, but I was grateful for his help. He came bounding in, wearing the suit I had laid out for him (to remind him how to be a gentleman), and shouted in the middle of Nathan’s violin lesson, “Daddy! I did it! I was so good today!”
He makes me laugh, and I am glad he had a better day than the hard week of last week.
He woke me enough, and cheered me enough, that I tried to be productive in the ways I could while I was awake. I got a chapter of Hebrew finished, and emailed the nursery lesson schedule to Sister Lewis, hung up a few clothes Nathan had gotten washed for me, and got through one thank you note before falling asleep again. I will never catch up, it seems!
All the food that stayed down today was my medicine and vitamin juice, so I am just full of nasty. Kristi Bray is bringing dinner tonight, and I am grateful because today is a day I cannot even walk as far as the kitchen.
I am too tired to be frustrated, but just barely alert enough to be scared, except for the trying not to be afraid part.
Because, you see, I don’t want to go to sleep and slip away.
I can’t remember how long my father had cancer, how long he was bedridden, I mean, how long he slept before he started not waking up anymore? I know he slept for months, it seemed, before he passed.
How do you live consciously, without sleeping through death?
The idea bothers me, I know, because I was promised that I will get better.
So I try to remember that and keep the shadows at bay.
Sometimes, though, I do not know if I am strong enough.
Except that what gives me peace is that I don’t have to be strong enough.
Because He is.
That’s the whole point.