Yesterday morning was chaos, in part because it started with me getting to the gym and back early enough to let the dogs out and bring them back in before the fence guy arrived.
It’s harder than you would think.
The fence guy was there to fix the portion of our fence that blew down in the storm, and to add the patio gates so that we can be pool-approved foster parents.
I then made the mistake about calling our mortgage people in response to a letter staying I owe four hundred more dollars this month, which I happen to know is false.
After some serious boundary setting while trying not to have a tearful meltdown, I found out that my home loan was sold to another company the very day I closed on the house. That was fast.
When I closed on the house, the papers I signed said I could make partial payments. So for these four years, I have paid my house payment in two chunks twice a month, knowing that this is easier on my budget but also pays down principle faster. I get paid on the 5th and the 20th, and send in half each time. I have done this for four whole years.
Only I just found out that the people who bought my loan don’t accept partial payments. Instead of applying it faster to principle all this time, they just held it in an “unapplied funds” something, and then “bundled” it with my second payment each month. Doing this made for one payment each month, with most of it going to interest instead of principle.
Not only that, but because the second half was sent on the 20th, it was “late” because it was outside the 15 day grace period (which I didn’t even know about). Four years of late house payments added up to $400 in charges that were overdue.
It was so frustrating! It felt like a bully, like a monster I was powerless to fight.
Not only the $400 in charges (which I argued until they wrote those off), but to keep it from happening again, I had to make a whole extra house payment so that July would not be late, and then my regular payment on the 20th of July can be for August and we should be set.
It was a nightmare, and so frustrating, but I am glad it was sorted out.
Then the day just unfolding from there into craziness.
I didn’t let it win, though.
I got all my paperwork done, notes finished, discharges complete, treatment plans renewed, certified letter picked up (new car title), Hebrew final finished, a gazabillion errands checked off, laundry finished, and the house cleaned.
It was one of those days, and not entirely enjoyable.
But I got through, followed by taking the old-new car for a drive. I needed to run an errand in that car, and hadn’t driven it yet since I threw mom’s GPS thing into the front seat for Nathan to have.
I thought I would be sweet and plug it in and set up some places for him and edit mom’s extra ones out.
Simple enough, right?
Except when I plugged it in, it thought it was still at the scene of the accident. It was frozen for a minute, at that time and at that place. I was sitting in my driveway, but the GPS thought I was on I-44 where her car had been hit.
It was like someone punched me in the gut.
I threw up.
I didn’t know it would do that, and hadn’t even braced myself for it.
That’s the kind of day it was.
The pictures from the scene of the accident and the scenes of being at the hospital with her and all of us there after died, it all started to swirl in my head, and I just sat there and cried.
It reset itself after a few minutes, and it was like the whisping away of the last ghosts I had to hold on to in a physical way.
I just cried.
I didn’t go run errands.
I just went back in the house, and got out the DVD of Nathan’s musical and watched that, pretending I was there with him.
I am running out of pretending, and really need a hug.