Next week will be one year since I first talked to Nathan, six months since we have been married, and three months since mom was killed.
I spent today going through old blogs, backing it all up and deleting those that are un-necessary. I mean, it all gets printed as the Book of Remembrance for my family, of course. But we don’t need the app to run so slowly just because there are 5,000 blogs about how my lettuce and corn and tomatoes happened to grow another inch today. They will grow again next year, so new pictures can replace them. There were also 2,000 pictures from each trip to Israel. All that is good for sharing in the moment, and great for printing to share with my family, but not needed for keeping on the blog for always. Hopefully that will speed up the app a little.
Last week was hard. Nathan and I had the flu bug that went around, and my brother and I had court for mom. The driver of the jeep is pleading guilty. We finally got a copy of the accident report, and the medical examiner cleared mom of any alcohol or drugs in her system (which we knew, but the courts needed to see on paper). Even though we knew what happened, and relived it in so many meetings that week with the ambulance team and highway patrol, it was really rough to read on paper the specifics of the accident and her exact injuries. The experience was far more traumatic than I had expected, with a far greater emotional response than I anticipated.
However, I did get to spend time with my brother, and that was very good. He is amazing.
My whole week was thrown off schedule, though, and I only just today got my homework finished while Nathan was out running errands. I try really hard not to do any studies while he is home, unless he is working, because that is an extra-bonus fun activity while being a wife is top priority still, even over learning Hebrew.
We are exhausted from Passover weekend with four Seder meals in a row, and the Young Women were at our house on Wednesday for me to do a personal progress goal with them, and I have to speak at a ward tomorrow and Nathan plays violin. We very nearly squeezed as much into this week as was possible! I was very glad for this Shabbat, to enjoy the day with the windows open and our lungs working again, have a hot bath and spend the day in my favorite pajamas while working on writing. I love our life together, as we write with music playing on the record player, stopping only to eat or dance to this song or that one. We are indeed happy, even when we are sad, just as the blessing promised.
It was hard to go through the old blogs and find pictures and stories of mom. What adventures we had! I was glad though, and could see the Lord’s hand in our story. We have come so far and been redeemed from so much and enjoyed every minute (well, most of them!) of our little life together these years. Tonight Nathan and I looked at the pictures from our first Thanksgiving here, from our Family Home Evenings that mom came to, from Christmas with my brother’s family at her house. We remembered on how she insisted on a birthday party for Jessica, even though the rest of us were on a temple trip (and how our friends made it happen). We remembered our last phone conversations with her, and our very last visit to her house when we walked over there with all the dogs to clean her house for her (and she made us chili). We remembered those times of healing and so much laughter, and the very last text we got from her about taking care of the dogs. And how instead of saying “April is outside”, her text said “Aprons poolside”, and that it took us several hours for figure out what she meant.
I am glad mom did not have a horrific recovery from all those injuries, and I am glad she has been released from this mortal testing phase. I know that we learned of redemption and salvation, of healing and restoration, of forgiveness and peace. I know that we learned to let go of hard things, of old things, of past things, of false traditions. I know that we learned to embrace love – even each other – and hope in what God has promised. I know that we learned to laugh together, to sing, and to speak each other’s language. I know that we were happy.
I know that she was hilarious.
Tomorrow is our first Easter together, me and Nathan.
It is my first Easter without any parents, which seems both painful and silly.
It is also the first Easter that I was grateful-like-never before for the promise and reality of resurrection.