While I was at the office and doing home-based therapy this week all over Oklahoma, Nathan was home – which is our house – working remotely from his laptop. He has a very official desk with very official things on it. He has a timer, and anytime something interrupts (me, the dogs, the microwave delivery man), or anytime he needs a break, he pauses his little timer and then starts it again when he goes back to work. He is being honest in his dealings.
In the evenings when I come home, I have joined him in the office with my own laptop and did paperwork and treatment plans and session notes while he finished. It’s a cozy bit of work, giving me greater focus and him greater endurance. It’s us, living in the same time zone, living our lives, living together.
(Having my paperwork done as I go along this week, instead of spending all day Saturday doing it, means I will actually have the weekend off, plus getting kudos from work for having notes done early.)
Yesterday I got home and he had installed the new microwave, swept the floors, and taken care of the dogs.
Tonight I came home and he had done the laundry, taken care of the dogs, and swept the garage and front porch.
Then he rubbed my head, caring for those tender scars that ache on my skull every day.
It made me cry.
He loves me well, and spoils me, and cares for me.
He softens places in me that I didn’t know were so calloused by independence and self-reliance. He warms places in me I didn’t know were cold. He melts places in me I didn’t even know were lonely.
He somehow makes me more me, just being himself.
It’s a strange thing, to walk in from work to be greeted with a hug and the best kiss ever.
Even when a kiss makes me cry, and even when it irritates me to discover I am way more of a girl than I knew, and even when he lets me keep the independent spirit that has defined me… I am still, even now, wholly melted by him and entirely devoted to loving him well and absolutely willing to do what makes him happy.
Starting with making him gluten free pizza for our late-night dinner.