Words I Wanted to Say

I am much relieved to be back in my own skin after the talk at girls’s camp last week. I had to run away while they prayed after I finished, so they could remain immersed in the Spirit words without me getting in the way. When I drove away, I cried all the way to Bartlesville. Good spirit-tears, a witness to what I received myself, a witness to what came out that wasn’t written down, a witness to the power the Spirit brings, to be sure we feel that we are known and loved.

This is why I have not written much in words, because I have been focused and fasting for the girls camp talk, and one more big one coming up. I needed the time and space to transcribe what was given me, and the time ad space to ponder what I was receiving, and the time and space (and energy) to craft it into words. I am grateful one of His gifts is that quickening, to get so much done.

Somehow, in the middle of all this, I have found myself in this relationship with Nathan, something so sacred and unique that we were quiet about it in the beginning. We are not so quiet about it now, because it grows as quickly as my sweet potato vines.

But I have words saved up to say.

Words of the Spirit, like crafting words for a talk, and time and space was needed for that shaping and organizing and creating.

It has all come together so quickly, unfolding like flowers in the Spring, and so we have sought counsel from our leaders and loved ones, to do it well, because it is worth doing right. We have each take our individual pieces to the temple and presented them, and received blessings and confirmations beyond expectation, and the way is made clear for us despite the temporal challenges – and those challenges are resolving quickly an easily because our eyes are on the Savior. The hard work of it seems nothing, because the Spirit is there, whispering “this way, this way”.

The Lord is orchestrating it all. Knowing our weakness and our fears, He makes it blatant to us, confirming again and again our path, so that we will be sure to step forward in faith and not miss out on this exciting turn of events.

This is not a relationship built of this world.

This is something made of higher stuff.

It requires a leap of faith, eyes only on the atonement, and obedience to a higher law that unveils who we remember ourselves to be.

It is bold, but not foolish.

It is fast, but in Order.

It is moving forward, but within the bounds of time and place the Lord has set.

Did I tell you that he has kind eyes?

Did I tell you about his sweet smile?

Did I tell you how he makes me laugh?

Did I tell you his words are full of truth?

Did I tell you that he is gracious and forgiving, good and compassionate, sincere and thoughtful?

Did I tell you how we are well-matched, how we are so much the same, how we are pieces of a puzzle snapping into place?

Did I tell you how he hearkens to the counsel of the Lord, and whispers with the Spirit, and by so doing does bless me to the core of my being?

Because that’s what I wanted to tell you.

And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow fast in the movies, I had the familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with summer.

~ The Great Gatsby

Posted in Dating permalink

About Emily

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints since 2009. I serve as a Chaplain, and work as a counselor. I got bilateral cochlear implants in 2010, but will always love sign language. I choose books over television, and organics over processed. Nothing is as close to flying as ballroom dancing - except maybe running, when in the solo mood. I would rather be outside than anywhere else, especially at the river riding my bike or kayaking. PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy, and currently doing a post-doc in Jewish Studies and an MDiv in Pastoral Counseling. The best thing about Emily World is that it's always an adventure, even if (not so) grammatically precise. The only thing better than writing is being married to a writer. Nathan Christensen and I were married in the Oklahoma City temple on 13 October 2012, and have since fostered more than eighty-five children. We have adopted the six who stayed, and are totally and completely and helplessly in love with our family. Nathan writes musical theater, including "Broadcast" (a musical history of the radio) and an adaption of Lois Lowry's "The Giver". He served his mission in South Korea, has taught song-writing in New York City public schools, and worked as a theater critic for a Tucson newspaper. This is not an official Web site of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.


Words I Wanted to Say — 2 Comments

  1. So happy for you. See how that wasn’t an exclamation? Just sit down right here quietly and feel happy for you, no shoutin’ needed.

    Will you post any of the girls camp talk? I will miss girls camp this year to move so I need a little piece of yours. Silly countdown girl!